Fight, Flight or Freeze? All of the Above! Ver 2.0

This post was originally published on 08 March 2012 and was revoked later as the travel associated with the post had been postponed. Here are some excerpts from that post, before I add on :) –

Greetings! :)

The flight-or-fight-or-freeze response is a well known acute stress response, right? I’m not under stress as such but I have something(s) to ponder over. And my response to this pondering over is going to be Fight, Flight AND Freeze! You will have to put up with a boring flashback before I can explain the three Fs .

In late September 2011, I secured a (conditional) admit for a Master’s Degree in Environmental Engineering in a Scottish university. (This is the first time I’m acknowledging this anywhere on the internet. In 2010, I secured conditional admits to two wonderful universities in the United States, but couldn’t secure any scholarships. That put both universities out of my reach. I was very disappointed, yes, because I put in so much effort into getting in. Almost all of my earlier posts on this blog revolved around that process. Since I was afraid that would be the case with this university too, I’ve told hardly anybody about the Scottish admit, until now.) The last fortnight of December was, personally, probably the worst in my memory. A close friend passed away in a gruesome road accident, I got in a much-less-severe accident myself (on the same day), my motorbike was stolen (on Christmas Eve) and there was (the by-now-usual) immense pressure from my parents to quit/change my job. I decided to submit my resignation on returning from my Christmas weekend.

My (Ex) Vice-President was a Albus-Dumbledore-y figure. He was very impressed with the progress I had made so far. I had (and still have) immense respect for him. I couldn’t look him in the eye and say I’m leaving, because he expected a lot from me. (I was one of the few selected under a fast-growth program that would make me Assistant Manager in 30 months – something that usually takes about 6 years otherwise.) Sticking with the Potter theme, it was like Potter saying “I’m sorry professor, I’m quitting this chasing horcrux thing” :P (Okay, maybe not so severe :D) So I did what I do best. Write. I wrote, not typed, hand-wrote a resignation letter. It was four pages long.

Despite several requests to change my decision as DD felt I was emotionally unstable when I took the decision, I stuck to it. My notice period ended in late January. I had typed three more paragraphs about work and me leaving before removing them. Some things I wrote made *me* uncomfortable :)

Even before submitting my resignation, I had decided to take some time off before returning to work/university again. I decided to do some things I’ve always wanted to do. I sent a mail to a school expressing willingness to volunteer for a few months as a teacher. After a weather-induced delay, I will be leaving for the school on Monday {Edit: Now Wednesday}. And thus ends our boring super-compressed flashback. :)

As the departure date looms closer and closer, I’m having a lot to Fight about. Some hungover guilt from the previous job – Did I throw away a wonderful career? Having denied it earlier, was it indeed a decision driven by emotions? If that were the case, is a decision driven by emotion inherently always wrong? Will DDs words – you might regret this decision later – come true? I also have to fight apprehensive confidence-shattering doubts about my future. If the Scottish university plans go the American way, I will have a few hundred thousand more engineers to compete with for a job.

I’m fighting the very two thieves I posted about a month ago.. :)

Onto the Flight. Monday {Edit: Now Wednesday} will also be the first time I take to the skies. Much to worry about there too :P Our national carrier’s pilots are planning to strike and a people-favourite airline’s woes have now been further compounded with an IATA suspension. With my hometown and the schooltown being at the extremes of the country, and also because traffic between the two is sparse, there are no direct flights. When I first started the ticket search, it was exactly like this – (Please move seek to 7:10 minutes :) )


Not so many stops for me, I managed to find one with only one changeover at a reasonable price. That one changeover almost terrifies me. I’m the kind to lose my way in a bus station. Every time I go to the heart of the city I’ve lived in for 22 years, I tend to get lost. And now the universe expects me to change flights at one of the busiest airports in the world? I don’t even know what the procedure is.. At lease you could always ask the driver/conductor “Indiranagar hogutha?” =P (Does the bus go to Indiranagar?) Imagine me walking around the runway, pulling my luggage, shouting at the pilots up above, “Bhai, Jammu Jayega?” “Peeche jao. Peeche Waala Jayega” xD #LikeABusStand Oh my.. :P

Finally, Freeze! The place I am headed to, Jammu, is just coming out of a below-zero-degrees-celsius winter. Even though it’s summer now, I will probably be the coldest I’ve ever been.

Now, I have to fight the fights, fly the flights and freeze the.. freezes? xD

Sometimes, it’s the smallest decisions that can change your life ~ Keri Russell

Do not plant your dreams in the field of indecision, where nothing ever grows but the weeds of “what-if” ~ Dodinsky

That was a fortnight ago. That postponement due to inclement weather was a blessing in disguise, I think. I’ve had some time to think about things. I am glad to say – now, I have no fights! xD This feels like an excellent decision and I have no hungover guilt. I’m super excited about my time at the school and can’t wait to get there. Right now, I have no worries. Very Hakuna Matata xD (Except for a new morbid fear of losing my luggage at the airport :\ )

For the rescheduled travel, I did consider trains. My tickets were waitlisted and I did not want to take a risk, despite my WL number being 2. That would have been awesome, one of the longest train journey’s in the world. I will be taking the train on my way back :)

Also randomly, I (almost obsession-ishly) love shoes; they’re my favourite accessory. My new monsters! :P

After being stuck for years on 5' 10¾", I'm finally 6', with almost 2" heels! :P xD



One Comment

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  1. Don’t freeze…Who knows, after tomorrow, whatever happens may “Not” be your fault……/sunrise-may-turn-out-the-lights…


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