One Dark Night

Greetings! :)

I used to write fiction, mostly Harry Potter Fan Fiction, as a teen. The (very) short story reproduced below was written by me, circa 2005, when I was 16. This is one of only two works written by me that I still have a copy of. The original One Dark Night had quite a few spelling and grammatical errors. I’ve corrected the spelling mistakes, but I’ve retained the original grammar. Poor grammar, yes, but it’s my younger self’s poor grammar! ;)

One Dark Night

It was dark. It was still raining, like it had been for the last five hours. A young lady stood on the pavement, like she had been all evening, with a guitar under her coat, and with occasional attempts to protect her face from the hard rain. The broken glass and the dim light from the streetlight a few metres away only made it hard for her to tell the time. From the faint glow of the radium dial, she could make it was well past two.

Two in the morning.

The thought that her beliefs were to be proved wrong hurt her more than the cold and the rain. There was one other time he had come late. It wasn’t this late. He had come around ten, and as usual, smiled at her and walked off. She remembered her smiling for a long time after that.

It all started a couple of months back.

She saw him in that small crowd. She was at the centre, as usual, playing her guitar, and singing, and hoping that people in this city would be more generous than the people in the other. And her hope was right. She noticed a man, on the first day, on the second, on the third, on the fourth…

He used to be there, at the exact time she started playing, and would listen to her till she stopped. Then he would smile and walk away. She liked this man more than those who gave her money. Because he smiled, and made her smile for the first time. For the first time in years. It was him she had been waiting for today. Day turned into night as she waited. And yet he had not come. Yet.

She could hear footsteps in the distance. Someone was walking towards her. It was him. She wanted to jump up and down. It remained a want, as she was too weak. He was getting closer. And closer.

And closer he got. They looked at each other. For a long time. Very long time. Then he stretched out his hand. She placed her palm on top of his. He held it. Then they walked off. Walked off in the direction he came from. Without looking back.

The street lights went off. And everything was dark. Once more.

Tell me what you thought of it. Be lavish in your praise and miserly in your criticism! :P Nah.. Do the opposite :)

Night is the blotting paper for many sorrows ~ Anonymous

EDIT 06 March 2012: Trivia: An alternate title I remember considering was One Dark Knight. Since that seemingly implied that he may be evil – and because I did not want his motives to be questionable – I chose One Dark Night :)

If you are blessed with the gift of art, I’d much appreciate if you could do a simple sketch of any of the scenes. I will repay your kindness in cookies and chocolates! ;) :)

If you liked this post, and write, perhaps even occasionally, this might be of interest to you.

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8 Comments

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  1. It should have have a part 2.

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  2. That’s good one

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  3. I loved it personally, the fact that she is a coffee house musician sort of resonated with my soul, as you’ve probably seen a few of my guitar post. I got here from your site, and post “Another Dark Night”.. The offer for the short story challenge is very interesting, and tempting…though, I really think you should take it right from where you left off, after all, you gave birth to it…the characters, the moods, the dark night… You can do it…the proof is in the yarn already. You mentioned grammatical errors? I’m no editor, and frankly my worst areas are Grammatical, and punctuation, etc… but, I didn’t see any thing that I would change…except for one minor typo…”Someone was walking towards the her.” a simple over-type ( the )
    I hope you will continue to write this story…the hook is there. It captured my interest anyway…
    Bless You
    paul

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    • Thank you so much! Your encouragement is much appreciated :) I will try accepting my own open invitation ;)

      Oh, and I think I’ve proof read ODN a kazillion times before posting here. It really is true then, that proof-reading one’s own work has a potential to not be 100%. Thanks for pointing that out. I’ve corrected it.

      By grammatical errors, I meant sentences like “Then he stretched out his hand” as opposed to “He then stretched his hand out” or “Then he stretched his hand out”, which are more er.. elegant. (Also if you go by Microsoft word, it will tell you to “reconsider sentence”, all of them :P I’ve extensively used fragments. On purpose. So I guess that can’t be counted as ‘error’)

      Thanks again, Paul :)

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  4. Hi, I as sonsothunder, reached here via you post as a follower received. I enjoyed the start and setting up of the scene and leaving us all with so much to imagine the story line to take us. Like you I use word and got fed up with all red and green lines appearing and telling me all sorts of rules, so I found a way to switch them off. I have read recently so much about grammar and how to write. If I, like many others I suppose, followed the rule of thumb, we would never put words on paper. So I write how I feel and edit after and try not to confuse myself further. Thank you for involving us in this treat.

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    • Aw Thank you so much! :)

      I blog/write because writing makes me happy. My blog is just over 18 months old and most of my earlier posts have about only 4 or 5 views each. That didn’t deter me from writing more because, again, I wrote because it was gratifying.

      Comments such as the one you made make my day! :)

      Also, I think being a good writer and being good at grammar are not necessarily interdependent. I wouldn’t say they are mutually exclusive, either. They are different skill sets in themselves – which is why we have Authors AND Editors :) (I think) Writing is predominantly a creative process and being grammatically correct a logical process. The latter can be learnt; The former has to be nurtured! So our writing gets better the more we write. My first and most recent posts differ significantly in quality, I think :)

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